Pig. Iowa gots the pig. Let us feast.

This was the first week of multiple interesting games in the Big Ten, and it was a week when some things became more clear. Like, we already knew that we had to take Indiana and Illinois seriously again, but maaaaybe we need to pay attention to Rutgers too. Also the rebuilding process at UCLA is going to take much longer than a season.

Week 5 is when the league competition begins in earnest. (Our apologies to Earnest. It must be uncomfortable.) That’s why there is only one column this week instead of two but don’t worry, I can still work in the same number of mistakes.

And speaking of stuff I’m praying you scroll right past:

Illinois at Nebraska: I said Nebraska 24, Illinois 21; actual score, Illinois 31, Nebraska 24

Note to self: when you are not sure if a team is back, your picks should really reflect that.

Villanova at Maryland (Saturday, 11 am, BTN): I said Maryland 30, Villanova 24; actual score, Maryland 38, Villanova 20

The weather forecast is really not looking good for getting my deck stained during the time I set aside for it.

Kent State at Penn State: I said Penn State 63, Kent State 10; actual score, Penn State 56, Kent State 0

I really don’t want it to be a weekend project, you guys.

Rutgers at Virginia Tech: I said VT 34, Rutgers 17; actual score, Rutgers 26, VT 23

Big Tech lets me down again.

UCLA at LSU: I said LSU 43, UCLA 20; actual score, LSU 34, UCLA 17

This was probably too close for the LSU boosters.

Northwestern at Washington: I said Washington 38, Northwestern 12; actual score, Washington 24, Northwestern 5

It’s inherently funny when a football team finishes a game with 5 points, even moreso when it’s Northwestern.

Purdue at Oregon State: I said Oregon State 44, Purdue 17; actual score, Oregon State 38, Purdue 21

I hope Ryan Walters is renting.

Charlotte at Indiana: I said Indiana 66, Charlotte 13; actual score, Indiana 52, Charlotte 14

Even if this was closer than I called it, Indiana still amazes me.

Marshall at Ohio State: I said Ohio State 50, Marshall 7; actual score, Ohio State 49, Marshall 14

Did you all know that this year is the fortieth anniversary of Cinnamon Toast Crunch?

USC at Michigan: I said USC 31, Michigan 24; actual score, Michigan 27, USC 24

Shouldn’t have shorted my Wolverines stock, I guess.

Michigan State at Boston College: I said Boston College 24, Michigan State 17; actual score, Boston College 23, Michigan State 19

Disturbingly accurate, I think I put too much effort into this pick.

Iowa at Minnesota: I said Iowa 27, Minnesota 23; actual score, Iowa 31, Minnesota 14

And all's right with the world once more.

That was a 9-3 performance on the week. I’ve had better weeks, but goodness knows I’ve had worse ones too, so I’ll take it. I am now 48-9 (.842) on the season. Onward in our quest for .350!

When the Big Ten absorbed four former Pac-12 teams, this is the sort of game we kinda didn’t want: one that involves one team flying across three time zones to play on a Friday night.

I honestly don’t know who I like in this game. I think Washington is by far the better team but how will the Huskies react to a long flight and a short week? And is Rutgers any good just because it beat Virginia Tech? These are questions. They have answers. Heck if I know what they are, though. I’ll go with Washington, if only because I think it has the better roster.

Washington 24, Rutgers 23

Before the season I would have told you that this is a game you could safely skip, one that I could have dismissed back in the early Aughts by writing “Only $19.95 on pay-per-view!” and giving my pick.

Now I think this might be the most intriguing game of the week. Indiana has been a machine through the first third of the season, systematically dismantling every opponent it has faced. The Hoosiers have scored more than 200 points already, while giving up fewer than forty. The level of competition has not been high, but even so, when was the last time you saw IU take care of business so effectively?

Maryland, meanwhile, is still September Maryland for one more Saturday and will be the best team the Hoosiers have played so far. I just feel like IU is something special this year. Let me go on dreaming for one more weekend.

Indiana 40, Maryland 24

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This has the makings of a trap game. Minnesota is certainly honked off after blowing a 14-7 halftime lead to Iowa last week. Michigan is glowing after a gutsy win over USC, and there is no chance the Wolverines aren’t looking ahead to next week’s national championship rematch with Washington in Seattle. All the elements are there, so I’m issuing an Upset Watch.

Not an Upset Warning, however, because I think Michigan can brute-force a victory over the Gophers. After the high of last week, winning close against a team that easily could have beat it, Michigan will have to deal with a close win over a team it should blow right off the field.

Michigan 30, Minnesota 27

If you forgot to cancel Peacock after the Olympics, you have a great chance to watch the Huskers dismantle the doddering Boilermakers. Purdue’s rushing defense is giving up an average of 269 yards per game, by far the worst in the conference. Ironically, Nebraska is a passing team now, so I guess there’s more than one reason Ryan Walters can be glad his team isn’t playing this game in 1996. The outcome, however, will be similar. And you should be watching Maryland-Indiana anyway.

Nebraska 38, Purdue 12

I’ll cut to the chase: In the same way I think Indiana is something special, I think Wisconsin is nothing special this season. Through four games they’ve yet to show me anything to make me think that they’re any better than they were last year. It’s too soon to say if Luke Fickell can ever get the job done in Madison, but right now I don’t like the Badgers’ odds flying all the way across the country to play USC. I do think USC might be a little bit overhyped but the Trojans should make short work of Wisconsin.

USC 43, Wisconsin 17

I’ve got three days off next week to stain my deck. It’s supposed to rain all three days according to one forecast, and none of them, according to another. I haven’t bought the stain yet, or even the sandpaper. I suppose I ought to get around to that but then again, if it’s going to rain, why bother?

Ohio State 44, Michigan State 10

“Both teams will come into the Illinois-Penn State game ranked” was right there with “Indiana will turn into a rampaging juggernaut” on the list of phrases no one would have believed as recently as six weeks ago. But here we are, with the Illini looking uncharacteristically sharp and focused, and the Nittany Lions looking solid but hardly immortal.

(Truth be told, it feels like at some point every season I think to myself “Penn State seems a tad overrated” but at the end of the season, they’re always appropriately rated.)

Illinois is plucky and pesky and is going to scare the crap out of Penn State (I mean, it’s done so before), but it doesn’t yet have the juice to beat the Nits in Happy Valley.

Penn State 30, Illinois 24

Snuff films (films in which someone is actually killed on camera) are an urban legend.

That may not still be true Sunday morning. How else to explain the situation where helpless UCLA meets an Oregon team that suddenly remembers it's Oregon?

Welcome to Big Ten After Dark, I guess.

Oregon 52, UCLA 14