Ever since I started writing this column I’ve had a couple people ask me if I get upset when I get a pick wrong. That only ever occurs in one specific circumstance: when I have picked Iowa to win, but it doesn't. Otherwise, being one of the few football prognosticators who actually admits his mistakes, I keep trotting out week after week. I start every season with the jovial but totally sincere reminder that if you bet based on my picks, you deserve to lose all your money.

(You know I don’t ever look at point spreads, right?)

So no, I don’t hate teams because they made me look foolish. I can do a fine enough job looking foolish on my own; I have no interest in sharing the credit with anyone. And I don’t let any of my acts of malpickage get in my head. Why do I bring that up this week? Oh, no particular reason …

NORTHWESTERN AT MARYLAND: I said Maryland 31, Northwestern 20; actual score, Northwestern 37, Maryland 10

September Maryland: no longer a thing. October Maryland: still very much in play.

WISCONSIN AT RUTGERS: I said Rutgers 30, Wisconsin 24; actual score, Wisconsin 42, Rutgers 7

(changes Wisconsin’s status to "good"; changes own status to "clueless")

PURDUE AT ILLINOIS: I said Illinois 41, Purdue 13; actual score, Illinois 50, Purdue 49

Ah, Purdue, and its unmatched ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

PENN STATE AT USC: I said USC 31, Penn State 30; actual score, Penn State 33, USC 30

In my defense, I had the score almost exactly right.

OHIO STATE AT OREGON: I said Oregon 36, Ohio State 34; actual score, Oregon 32, Ohio State 31

A game for the ages. We might not see a better conference game this year.

MINNESOTA AT UCLA: I said UCLA 26, Minnesota 20; actual score, Minnesota 21, UCLA 17

Gophers immediately claim a victory in the Rose Bowl.

WASHINGTON AT IOWA: I said Iowa 20, Washington 17; actual score, Iowa 40, Washington 16

That was for Hayden.

My thoroughly craptacular 3-4 performance on the week (which looked like it could have been so much worse around 4:00 Saturday afternoon) drops my overall record to 65-15 (.813). I’m pretty sure that’s the worst week I have ever had in 22 seasons of writing this column. But I got three right so there’s still room for … disimprovement? Let’s get some more games unright, shall we?

*: all times in this column are always Central. Deal with it.

Purdue totally shocked me, and probably you as well, with its ferocious comeback last week against Illinois. While the Boilermakers showed incredible heart and guts by pushing the Illini to overtime, of course they came up just a bit short. Give them all the credit in the world; they left everything on the field.

Now, I’ll grant that Oregon could be ripe for a hangover game against Purdue, because the Ducks also left everything on the field in their one-point overtime victory over Ohio State. The stats, though, are tough to get around: Purdue’s defense is the worst in the Big Ten, by a rather considerable margin. The only thing the Boilers D does well is defend the pass, and that’s only a relative “well.” They’re less bad at that than they are at rushing defense or (most notably) scoring defense.

So even though Oregon probably will be hung over, and playing on the road, three time zones away, on a short week, this game will go about how you would expect.

Oregon 53, Purdue 20

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If I had a dollar for every Nebraska fan who had this game figured as a likely win back in early August .. well, I’d have some dollars, but who knows exactly how many? Indiana, through one half of the season, has been nothing less than sensational. Even if the Hoosiers happen to lose out (unlikely since Purdue is still on the schedule) I’d still make Curt Cignetti my Big Ten Coach of the Year.

And Nebraska … well, the Huskers seem better than they did last year, but let me remind you that Matt Rhule doesn’t hit his stride until Year 3, and this is still Year 2. Indiana is just a better-balanced football team and should have little trouble with the Huskers.

Indiana 44, Nebraska 23

So, did Luke Fickell finally turn the corner with Wisconsin’s brutalizing road win over Rutgers last weekend? Is Northwestern starting to awaken from its early-season slumbers? Or did both schools benefit from the East Coast teams regressing to the mean?

Those are questions for the ages. I feel like Wisconsin really needed to beat somebody up in order to start playing like itself again. I’m guessing they liked the feeling and will do it again.

Wisconsin 34, Northwestern 13

1-800-BETS-OFF

Rutgers 30, UCLA 17

Not knowing whether Illinois is a good team or not is frankly a standard state of affairs in Big Ten Land. It’s a little unusual to still be wondering that in the back half of October, but here we are. Good teams don’t need overtime to beat 2024 Purdue.

Not knowing whether Michigan is a good team or not? That’s some real late-July stuff. Not knowing that in the back half of October? Serious Brady Hoke vibes.

The only thing I do know for sure is that Michigan has a better roster than Illinois. But I think Illinois has the better coach. This one will be interesting.

Illinois 24, Michigan 23

Lincoln Riley’s struggles at USC against ranked teams are more than theoretical. West Coast Big Ten teams traveling east haven’t exactly distinguished themselves this season, either.

But, last I checked, Maryland wasn’t ranked, or receiving votes, or doing much of anything other than wondering where Mike Locksley’s ceiling is and if he’s already hit it. Plus even though this season proved September Maryland is done, October Maryland still seems to be in full effect. Riley’s seat will get uncomfortable if he struggles in this game -- and don’t think he doesn’t know it.

USC 40, Maryland 24

Iowa fans, you already have the script figured out for this game. Michigan State appears to be a peer team, a fellow good-but-not-great squad that may land a decent bowl invite and a couple players on the all-conference teams. The Spartans have a legitimate quarterback in Aidan Chiles but the team as a whole still seems error-prone. So Iowa will give up the run to take away the pass and -- stop me if you’ve heard this one -- rely on complementary football in the second half to try to seal a road win. But you, as an Iowa fan, will be frustrated because you will be able to see how the Hawkeyes could blow the game open if they wanted to.

I feel ya, dawg. I was more excited than I should have been about Cade McNamara too.

The only question is, “Do we know how this movie ends?” Because under Kirk Ferentz, it typically ends in one of two ways: the defense allows small erosion of the 13-point halftime lead to win by 3, or something dreadful happens in Michigan State’s final drive and a gassed secondary gives up the game-winning touchdown.

I take strange comfort in knowing that Kirk Ferentz doesn’t care about winning pretty, just winning. His stubbornness is his Achilles’ heel, (see “the Iowa passing offense since 2005”) but it does come in handy sometimes.

Sometimes.

Iowa 24, Michigan State 20