Well, hello there. It’s been a long summer … spring … and winter since last we talked. But I am back for the twenty-[mumble]th season of Pickin’ On The Big Ten and there’s something a little different in the air. Change, so to speak.
But enough about Jim Harbaugh, who decamped to the San Dieg …
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… wait, we have shock collars now? Alexa, what did I get wrong?
Los Angeles? When did that happen?
Okay, well, Jim Harbaugh decamped to the Los Angeles Chargers but not after winning a national title the old-fashioned way: by blatantly che …
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… relying on old-school smashmouth football. The NCAA singled him out for four years of special recognition for his excellence in coaching; before any college can hire him, it will have to prove it deserves him.
We’ve also added four new teams to the conference in a money gr …
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.. attempt to synergize recruiting and academic excellence by bringing high-profile West Coast universities into the league.
Being an old-school Big Ten person I suppose I should be shocked and horrified that the conference now extends from coast to coast and border to border. But I’m not. Competition creates competitors. More football is better than less football. I’d rather see Iowa play the likes of USC and Washington than the likes of Indiana and Rutgers. And honestly, with Iowa being the only team in the conference with three protected rivalries (Minnesota, Wisconsin, and Nebraska), I’m not sure we Iowa fans are going to notice a whole lot of difference.
Besides, Iowa can never again lose to Washington or UCLA in the Rose Bowl! Technically the Hawkeyes could still lose to UCLA in the Rose Bowl this year since it’s their home stadium and we’re playing them there this seasons but, well, they haven’t been scary-good for a while.
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Okay, like, a quarter century.
As much as I would like to give a full preview of every team, there’s eighteen of them now, so that’s not going to happen. In fact there are so many teams now that, at least for the first few weeks when almost everyone is playing non-conference opponents, I’m going to have to split this column into two parts.
I was trying to figure out the best way to split it up and then I realized: I could be incredibly petty about this. So I’m going to be, by separating all of the post-1950 interlopers into their own separate column and covering the traditional Big Ten in the other. This will be the pattern I follow until the number of games settles down a bit.
I also want you to be aware that I’m going to be writing with a longer lead time than I have in the past, and I have no control over when Pickin’ gets published. There may be an occasional bit of game-changing news that breaks between when I finish the column and when it goes live. I will try to update it as needed and whenever possible, but it may not always be possible.
And, in my annual reminder, while my tone is snotty, my picks are serious, but I don’t consult the odds in making them unless I’m totally stumped. If you bet based on my picks, you deserve to lose all your money and a couple of your fingers and/or toes.
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No more than one finger and/or toe.
I owe you some sort of preview, of course. The biggest question will be how Oregon, Washington, UCLA and USC integrate into the conference. There is the usual assortment of brand-new coaches: DeShaun Foster at UCLA, Jedd Fisch at Washington, Curt Cignetti at Indiana, Sherrone Moore at Michigan, and Jonathan Smith at Michigan State. Less than half of all new head coach hires are successful so it will be interesting to see which of these can’t-miss hires will miss, and which will provide Kalen DeBoer a soft landing when Alabama runs him out of town in three years for not being Nick Saban.
But this is an Iowa site. While I hope lots of people from lots of different fanbases read this, most of you are Hawkeye fans like me. And we know that this year feels pivotal. Brian Ferentz is gone and Tim Lester is in as the offensive coordinator. We have hope that we’ll actually get a full season out of Cade McNamara. Some of our rivals might be rising (but at least Iowa State is still spinning its wheels).
And no, it was not a fair catch.
When I look at Iowa’s schedule, to be honest, I only see one game the Hawkeyes likely can’t win. No way, no how, does Iowa leave Columbus with a win over Ohio State. I wouldn’t expect that if the Hawks had Michigan’s offense. But every other game? A puncher’s chance, at least.
The offense will be better. I’m tempted to say “how could it not be?” but that’s just tempting fate. And I am not dumb enough to doubt that any Phil Parker defense can keep Iowa in any game. But I also know that there’s one or two inexplicable losses every season. So my prediction?
9-3. Go Hawkeyes.
Ed. Note: Pickin' on the Big Ten's full picks for Week One of the 2024 season will come later this week.
