Let’s start with a program note: Since the conference season begins in earnest next week, this will be the final week I split this column into New and Old Big Ten. We are one (huge) conference, after all. Then again, sixteen to eighteen football picks do make for an intimidating wall of text, which is why I split the column in the first place. And speaking of stuff that’s too dense and scary to read …

Oregon at Oregon State: I said Oregon 28, Oregon State 13; actual score, Oregon 49, Oregon State 14

After two closer-than-expected calls, Oregon finally has started playing like Oregon again.

Washington vs. Washington State: I said Washington 34, Washington State 31; actual score, Washington State 24, Washington 19

I told you this would be a fun game. Never mind that I picked it wrong …

Northern Iowa at Nebraska: I said Nebraska 34, UNI 14; actual score, Nebraska 34, UNI 3

However, I’m still not quite buying that Nebraska is back yet.

Indiana at UCLA: I said Indiana 40, UCLA 24; actual score, Indiana 42, UCLA 13

Apparently Curt Cignetti bringing a lot of his James Madison team with him is really paying off.

Maryland at Virginia: I said Maryland 44, Virginia 38; actual score, Maryland 27, Virginia 13

I didn’t hear much about Anthony Collarbone after this one.

That’s a 4-1 week for my Big Ten Nouveaux picks. Not too shabby but not the perfect record I was gunning for. And I certainly won’t get all of these right either: for my Big Ten Nouveaux picks. Not too shabby but not the perfect record I was gunning for. And I certainly won’t get all of these right either:

*: All times in the column are Central Time. Why do you think they call it Central?

We are twenty-five percent of the way through the season and we still don’t know much about either of these teams. Doubtless that irritates the Nebraska fans (what doesn’t irritate them?) but lopsided victories over UTEP, Colorado, and Northern Iowa just aren’t very telling. Any halfway decent Big Ten team should be able to pull those off.

It’s not like Illinois has a lot more to point to, however. It did, but how big a deal can it be to beat Kansas now that UNLV has also done it?

So in my mind this is the perfect Friday night college football game, in that it’s between two teams that it is impossible to draw a bead upon. Truth be told, I’m slightly more impressed with Illinois so far, though that may be just because they’ve looked pretty competent on offense and I’m not at all used to them doing that. Yet even when Nebraska has been down, they’ve been a tough out at home. So this game is worth watching, and I think the Huskers will win.

Nebraska 24, Illinois 21

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Villanova is historically a good FCS team, and under Mark Ferrante the Wildcats have made it to the FCS quarterfinals in the past two seasons. ‘Nova is currently undefeated with wins over Towson, Youngstown State, and the cheap tube of toothpaste I keep in my shaving kit. Such is the problem with trying to evaluate these FCS teams.

I don’t think this will be the romp Maryland would prefer but I do expect the Terps to win, particularly since it’s still September.

Maryland 30, Villanova 24

Nit soldiers and Franklin comin’/There’s no polite way to end this line

(I apologize for that reference to the classic Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young song “Ohio,” which was about the Kent State massacre. It’s one thing to drop pop culture references to things that happened before some of you were born, but that was before I was born. I also apologize to any Kent State football fans for bringing “that” up again.)

(This assumes, of course, that there are any passionate supporters of Kent State football. I kinda doubt it.)

Penn State 63, Kent State 10

After losing to Vanderbilt -- Vanderbilt -- in a Week One overtime game, Virginia Tech is undefeated. That is sort of like saying Paul Verhoeven is a great director if you look past Showgirls, in the sense that it’s true but no one cares, because yikes.

Rutgers, meanwhile, has had an extra week to prepare for this game, but the Scarlet Knights are utterly untested, boasting too-easy victories over Howard and Akron.

What happened to Virginia Tech as a football team is a mystery for the ages -- how did they drop off so far, so fast? -- but as an Iowa fan I’d be lying if I said it didn’t scare me to consider what happens when an extremely long-tenured coach finally hangs it up. There are multiple parallels between Frank Beamer and Kirk Ferentz, after all. But I digress. I still don’t really believe in Rutgers.

VT 34, Rutgers 17

I’m starting to feel sorry for Deshaun Foster. It isn’t his fault that the Bruins got curbstomped by Indiana last week … wait, yes it is. This is UCLA we’re talking about! They’re not supposed to be mediocre!

[The author is informed that UCLA’s record over the past ten seasons compares rather unfavorably to Iowa’s]

Well, they’re not supposed to be mediocre, at least.

Anyway, Brian Kelly is going to put the Bruins on blast after barely escaping South Carolina last week. The target is there and he certainly knows he can’t afford to lose to two Big Ten teams before the first of October.

LSU 43, UCLA 20

Now let’s see if Washington is ready to adopt one of the Big Ten’s great traditions; namely, pounding Northwestern (or Purdue, or Illinois) into a pulpy mass the week after you lose a rivalry game. My guess is they’ll catch on quickly.

Washington 38, Northwestern 12

Oh boy.

Ohhh maaaannnn.

You sort of hate to see any team have to play a decent opponent the week after an embarrassing loss, but you really hate to see it happen to the same team two weeks in a row.

Unless it’s Purdue, in which case it’s cool, since they are Our Most Hated Rival.

Oregon State 44, Purdue 17

Stay tuned for Part 2 of Pickin' On The Big Ten, coming soon.